FOOD FOR THOUGHT
Hey y'all! Coming atcha with a different than usual blog post, I am definitely not one to openly talk about my struggles, emotions, or feelings, but for some reason I felt called to share these few thoughts of mine. Whether this is for me to realize my growth, and all I've learned about myself, or for that one girl who's reading this right now who feels the same way. I hope that by sharing this, someone will feel inspired, heard, or loved. That's all, definitely not my typical post, but had to share. Love y'all, and couldn't do it without cha!
Let's take it back to the beginning. I have talked about this a little bit in my Get to Know Me blog post. Linking it HERE! But, I have always had a love for all things fashion. I honestly did not even realize how creative I was or my creative tendencies, until I got to college. After this, I began to embrace my love for fashion. I would always make comments about how much I wanted to pursue it, but I never knew how fashion would fit into my life plan. However, I was bound and determined to find a way. On a whim, I submitted a LiketoKnow.it application and began this journey. Never, ever, did I see myself in the position I am today. I am more than grateful for the experiences I've had, the knowledge I have gained, and the brands I've worked with. Starting a blog and pursing LiketoKnow.it and Instagram was more than intimidating. I was constantly worrying about what everyone would think, what they would say, how they would make me feel. This blog post kinda goes every which way and is just a little insight of my brain lol, but enjoy.
(2/16/2021) Currently sitting here at midnight writing this rant into the notes app on my phone. Once again, I have absolutely no idea why I feel the need to express these thoughts. This morning I woke up, and was in shock to see Amazon Fashion, like the @amazonfashion had reposted one of my photos. This exposure is everything I have been wishing for and wanting since I started this journey. I truly have never felt so loved in my life. Nothing is more eye opening than seeing the overwhelming support of others going out of their way to congratulate me.
Now, this goes to the high school, middle school girls doubting themselves. I didn’t know what it meant to love myself until I got to college. I never understood the quote about “finding yourself” or what it meant by “you have to love yourself before you have the ability to love others”. I thought I knew what it meant, that I felt confident, but boy was I wrong. College meant new opportunities, new people. Coming from a smaller, “everyone knows everyone” school I was very intimidated, and when I got to college, everyone was pretty, everyone was nice, everyone was this or that. However, when it came down to it, none of that mattered.
When I truly, truly found my people was not until my second semester of my freshman year. It wasn’t until I truly found myself did I realize what I wanted and the people that drove me to be my best self in all ways possible. You will see all over Instagram and Pinterest the importance of “loving yourself” and I feel like such a cliche to say that it is so true. This is a feeling like no other, a new found confidence. This is not something that just happens overnight. This is a long evolving process. I found out what was important to me and my future, the values I had, and took into account the people I surrounded myself with. It was the help of these people that led me to where I am today. They taught me to reach out to others, be confident in myself, and to be gracious and thoughtful in my words. It is important to recognize that even while I was figuring out the true ~me, I never felt the confidence or self reassurance that I feel today. I never knew what I needed, or had been missing.
After being sent home for COVID, I was given more than enough “self reflection” time. This time allowed me to think back on my first year in college in comparison to my time in high school. Everything: the good, the bad, and the fun. I took into account all the friends I had made and all the experiences I had. Everything up to this point had made me, me. This includes the bad and the ugly (so many people forget this part!). I had for once TRULY and I’m talking truly felt confident. I felt as though I was able to conquer anything and everything I wanted. The word confident is oh so much overused. You can feel confident in a dress, but do you truly feel confident in yourself in that moment. This is a question I often quickly said yes to. And until I knew what true confidence was did I say no.
Once I stoped looking for reassurance or playing the comparison game did I begin to notice my confidence. I was able to make decisions and view myself for myself, and not think about “well what will *this person* think” or “but *this person* is going to see that and think less of me”. It is so, so important to live for YOURSELF, as there is no greater judgment than yourself. You are responsible for your words. Do these words help you and your attitude? Or are they toxic and hurt you, your mindset, your actions?
Something else that shocked me about starting to make time for myself was the way in which others reacted. When you are confident in your outfit, your demeanor, your attitude, 10000% others notice. People are more willing to give you the time of day and begin to feed off your energy. In the past I would walk into a room thinking of all the ways I was embarrassing myself, “I'm walking too loud” “did they look at me weird when I walked in”. Once I learned to love myself for who I was and what I stood for, I realized how minuscule these toxic ideas were. I was negatively affecting my actions through my words. In high school never would I have ever posted this many pictures of myself for the internet to see, because I always found reasons why they weren't good enough, "my hair looked weird" "the lighting isn't good enough". Well, news flash, people never care as much as you, and more importantly it should not matter if they do. Another thing to keep in mind is the individuals you are surrounding yourself with. If you are constantly needing reassurance on every action you make, is that a personal issue; or is that those around you are making you feel lesser?
Now the last thing I want this to come off as is that I have everything together. Everyone, EVERYONE, has their good, bad, and terrible days. It is an inevitable part of life that is quite frankly unavoidable. And despite it all, there will always be SOMETHING, I do not care if it is small, but there will be something to be thankful for. I read something a few months back talking about the importance of self love and ways in which you can improve upon it. One of the suggestions was daily affirmations. These are words in which you verbally say to yourself each day. This applies to all areas of life, physical appearance, relationships, friendships, school, everything. Anytime I am having a bad day, I verbally tell myself things either about myself or my life that are positive. A critical part of this, however; is to be realistic. If you truly do not like the way your legs look, then do not falsely say it. It is all about being true to yourself, because you do not want to have a false perception of yourself. This then carries over onto the way others view you. So, say you feel as though your physical appearance is not it today, think of three other qualities you do like. These don't have to be overly deep and can be very random, but all qualities you would be proud to brag about to a friend.
(3/22/21) Fast forward to today, reading all that back I acknowledge my head was all over the place. But, the same basics apply. You can only be the best version of yourself after you allow yourself to feel that way. This is an internal fix, one not guaranteed with love or a relationship or popularity. It is so important to take time for yourself, and to put yourself first because you can only best help others after helping yourself. That's it from me, but I hope you know you are loved, you are enough, and you are worthy!
Food for Thought:
Be the person who cares more, loves harder, and tries the most.
Do something every week to push yourself out of your comfort zone.
Be kind and treat yourself.
You'll know if he likes you, if he doesn't you'll be confused.
I don't want what doesn't want me.
Find out who you are and do it on purpose.
Pay attention to the signs.
Connect with each moment.
Beautiful things vanish each day, don't let your heart be one.
Find where your energy is reciprocated, celebrated, and appreciated.
Live with intent instead of habit.
Everyone is fighting a battle you don't know about, be kind.
If someone makes you happy, make them happier.
Be addicted to bettering yourself.
You have complete control of your attitude and your effort.
Become addicted to the progress and fall in love with the process.
Let love in.
Thank you so much for following along! As always, PLEASE shop my links and make sure to follow me in the LiketoKnow.it app. The LiketoKnow.it app is the easiest way to view exclusive content and instantly shop my looks and products. Viewing my site through a desktop is also the easiest way to view content. Also, check out my Amazon Storefront.